I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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