her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
