when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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