Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
