And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
