so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
third nipple confirmed
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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