dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
