I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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