making cat noises will not fix the situation.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
