Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
