I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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