I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
