So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
