were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
