He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
we're so committed to being not committed
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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