I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
