Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
