Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
