hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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