I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
