and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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