i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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