i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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