do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
