i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize