This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
