i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
