now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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