i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
