Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just high enough for therapy.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
