break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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