you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
