I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
