Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
