Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
