Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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