I cockslap morals
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
