There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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