Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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