lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
