Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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