Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dick very happy bro
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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