i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
