I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
