i was rollin on her like bob the builder
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
