You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
