My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
