Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
