I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
