Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
